garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
