he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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