Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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