I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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