How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Randomize
