great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Randomize
