You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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