so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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