Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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