Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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