respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
