So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
