I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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