Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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