I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize