the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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