He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
