clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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