she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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