I skipped work to stalk him.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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