took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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