Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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