"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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