Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
