Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
