You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
