Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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