I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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