My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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