if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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