my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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