Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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