I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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