I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
