i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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