are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
