I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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