I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
