Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
