i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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