Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
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Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
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HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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