i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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