We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'