Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.