I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
