Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
