i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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