We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
