I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
