So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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