o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I could make wine with my vomit
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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