If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
