i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
