Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
