you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
