I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It's official drugs can't kill me
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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