3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
