Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
